|A few popular techniques that simply don't work|
It's hard to sift through all the parenting advice out there. Here are a few popular techniques that simply don't work:
#1: "One-minute-per-age time out" We know this doesn't work, because we ask in every seminar we teach and in every class we do. When the class is asked if they use this ever-popular technique, almost every hand goes up. When we follow up by asking parents to keep their hands up if this disciplinary action is working well, every hand goes down. We hate to break it to you, but this is one of the worst ways of dealing with misbehavior.
#2: Grounding What is grounding, anyway? Seriously. It can mean just about anything from removing a privilege to being in lock-down. Many kids get grounded for a myriad of behaviors, and they never know what the boundaries really are because they shift so much. If grounding isn't working effectively for you, there is a specific reason why. And it's easy to fix, if you have the right tools.
#3 Reasoning It's true. While the "experts" in this country tell you that you need to simply explain to your child why you do or don't want her to do nearly everything you ask, you may have noticed that your child neither agrees with you (leading to arguments) nor cares what your opinion is! While it's okay to explain once in a while, ongoing, never-ending explanations only serve to undermine everything you're trying to accomplish.
#4 Stickers Laughing yet?! Yes, stickers. And charts with stars. AND promising ice cream or pizza or Hot Wheels cars. We call this bribing, because that's what it amounts to. "If you'll ____ (your request), I will give you ____ (your prize)." What happens when your reward isn't good enough? What about when the child just doesn't remember that a little pot of gold awaits him at the end of the behavior rainbow? And did you ever stop to consider that if the child messes up and loses the promise of a prize, he now has absolutely zero reason to act nicely from here on out? ...At least until you come up with another, bigger, better, more expensive reward.
#5 Ignoring If you don't know what to do, isn't it better to just do nothing?! Hmmm... probably not. Doing nothing means that you ARE permitting the offensive behavior, and permitting is dangerously close to condoning. In some cases, they are identical. You don't want your child to practice misbehavior over and over again! They only get good at what they practice, so it's key to stop misbehavior and practice proper behavior instead.
It's really not fair. Just about everything you read and listen to in American society gives you false hope: Hope that being positive enough, waiting it out, or promising treats will eventually help get over this behavioral speed bump that's disrupting everything around you. None of these techniques work in the long run. At best, they may interrupt poor behavior just long enough to breathe a short sigh of relief. But when you turn around, the tantrums, whining, or disobedience are right back again.
Parenting From the Heights teaches you how to STOP the behaviors that are going to cause your child major problems down the road. In real life, a tantrum can send you to jail (think assault, road rage, domestic violence, etc.). And disobedience can land you with a major fine, job loss, or prison. So these aren't behaviors that you want to fool around with. Parenting From the Heights goes beyond identifying the inappropriate behavior. It goes past why children act up. This book actually walks you step by step through the solution that may seem so elusive right now. Your child can be a stand-out, so why settle for average? Get the book and find out how to curb the behavior AND change the heart.